May 2013
31 posts
tyra banks: 10 beautiful ladies stand before me
tyra banks: but i only have nine pictures in my hands
tyra banks: and they're all of me
tyra banks: lol
Sext: I kiss you deeply as I lay you back gently on the bed, my hands roaming up your thighs, palms are sweaty, knees weak arms spaghetti
dystopiamachine:
dietnutella:
nohomocide:
accent marks and italics can make any word look beautiful
bonèr
Chlàmydîa
gęńìtãl thüñdērštørm
emilioestevez:
story time
so about 7 months ago, my girlfriend at the time asked me to move in. so i did and we lived together for roughly 6 weeks. she asked me to move out until i was mature enough to live with a girl because in those 6 weeks i drew a dick on her face while she was sleeping 11 times.
foreveralone-lyguy:
troix:
foreveralone-lyguy:
internetexplorers:
change the world today by doing a thing
How much thing?
like 8 thing
That’s too much thing
luphphy:
caraknightley:
i hate when people touch me and then when i tell them not to touch me they get rude
or even worse when they think you’re joking and keep touching you for fun
whiskey-memories:
bras are so expensive like i didn’t choose the boob life the boob life chose me
Your Do-Gooder Ex Is Coming Back From India
You: Oh, I didn't think you'd answer. I thought you'd still be on the plane.
Her: We had a layover. I'm at Dulles International right now.
You: Oh, well, um...
Her: What's up?
You: I was just wondering if you were coming through town on your way home, I still have some stuff of yours.
Her: Like what?
You: Some books and some jewelry.
Her: It's been a year. Do you think I care about that stuff?
You: Oh, I just thought they might be sentimental or expensive or something. I don't know.
Her: You and your possessions.
You: What?
Her: Free yourself.
You: Um, again, what?
Her: I've changed.
You: Oh.
Her: You wouldn't understand.
You: People are always saying that.
Her: ...
You: So, how was Bombay?
Her: Mumbai.
You: Come again?
Her: They don't call it Bombay anymore. I mean, you can, if you like stripping the Indian people of their independence and returning to the imperial rule of Britain.
You: I'm sorry, I didn't-
Her: It hasn't been 'Bombay' for nearly 17 years. I suggest you read a book.
You: Um, so, you don't want your stuff back?
Her: Free yourself.
You: Stop saying that.
Her: I built a school.
You: Anyway...
Her: What have you been up to since I left? Did you build any schools?
You: I um...well..
Her: Speak up. Make your words count.
You: I filed for unemployment. Is that what you wanted to hear?
Her: You know some people aren't lucky enough to have a government that supports them with welfare.
You: Right...well...
Her: But I guess it's pretty hard for you. You need that unemployment check to buy whiskey and Cheez-Its.
You: I've been writing a lot.
Her: And not building any schools.
You: OK. Well look, if you come through, Karen is having a going away party for Chris Keller and I thought you might want-
Her: To go to a party?
You: Yeah.
Her: And drink like totally fun mass-produced spirits? Wanna pick up some Smirnoff Ice for me? Want me to drink Smirnoff Ice for you? Just like the old times?
You: You drank Smirnoff Ice?
Her: I'm making a point.
You: I don't get it.
Her: Yeah. You don't. You never 'got' it. I can't talk to you. I have to boil drinking water before my next flight.
You: You're in an airport. Can't you just, like, find a water fountain?
Her: Just because the convenience exists does not mean you should take advantage of it.
You: Take advantage? Of...a water fountain?
Her: Don't call me again.
You: OK.
Reblog this if you like Harry Potter. No...
I wouldn't be afraid of spiders if I could just...
Me: Oh, hey whoa, this shower is occupied.
Spider: Omg man I didn't see you there.
Me: We cool?
Spider: Yeah, yeah, we're cool. I'm just coming down to scope out the tub.
Me: Oh, that's legit. Hey, you might wanna move over some--you're descending right into the shower stream and I don't want you to drown.
Spider: Hey thanks, bud. I'll be careful.
Me: So...can I get out now?
Spider: Sure, sure! Sorry I'll just move over here.
Me: Thanks. You have a nice night. Don't come into my bedroom, okay?
Spider: Nah, that's your space. We're cool. Have a great evening.
we take the naps we think we deserve
Its not a party until someone cries about a boy not liking them
Sounds about right
france: ten
france: twenty
france: thirty
france: forty
france: fifty
france: sixty
france:
france:
france: sixty ten
world: france what are you do—
france: four twenties
world: france stop it
france: four twenties ten
world: france that doesn't even make any sense
france:
france:
france:
world:
france:
world:
france: hundred.
*hears noises at night*: well this is it this is the end for me I had a good life
*gets shampoo in my eyes*: I guess I'm blind now how am I ever going to see my first born child
*heart is beating fast*: I think I am having a heart attack is this what cardiac arrest is
*a cop walks by*: here I go about to get arrested I probably murdered someone
*taking a test*: don't take your eyes off of this paper you will get caught cheating and get kicked out of school and amount to nothing
*gets a sunburn*: great now I have skin cancer how will I tell my parents
*tripping over something*: I guess my leg will have to be amputated why did this happen to me
*period is late*: crap i'm pregnant i'm the next virgin mary
*laptop shuts suddenly down*: well fuck it's broken forever bye everything bye money
Watchmustbethemusicwhenwewereyoung:
best video ever. it deserves more cred.
Da fuck did I just watch
Feeling like the only time anyone wants to be your friend is when things are shit. I want to run away into the wild and never come back.
Told my deepest secret with hopes that I could trust you and you leave. Thanks. Felt really great. You say you need to think about what you said? What a bunch of bull shit. It was just a cop out and you know it. I’m angry that you think this is okay. Or...
April 2013
7 posts
rydek:
R.I.P. MSN, the only messenger that allowed me to send a giant unavoidable popup of a pig shaking his ass to funky techno music to my conversational partner if they were ignoring me
March 2013
10 posts
“Fghughgfr”
– Me
friends: you need a boyfriend omg
me: ah yes let me go to the store and pick up a fresh one
paralyticstalks:
walk up in the club like whoops wrong building
what is a pale blog.
Like what even
Idk
February 2013
14 posts
marianaeatscake:
people who constantly post things about hard work, or dedication, or how well they’re doing
Tyra Banks: So why didnt you do the photoshoot?
Model: Well my leg was cut off and i had a swarm of angry bees attack me
Tyra Banks: Thats no excuse i remember one time when that happened to me and i still worked it and was fierce
